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X- factor (Week 3) Club Classics

Club Classic week,should be fun right? On with the show,first up..

Mr Cheese

christopher maloney

Christopher Maloney sang Waiting for a Star to Fall by Boy Meets Girl. (Video)

Its the cheeseman

In his VT he revealed that he was only 34,I had him down for at least 42,being a nervous wreck must of aged him eh? On to the song,he sounded off key the whole way through,but he gave it his all in true working mens club style.

The judges continued their cheese theme for another week,Tulisa reading from her well rehearsed script compared Chris to Rylan,saying while Rylan is only a baby belle,Chris was a full on stilton.

X-Factor Voiceover man (Peter Dickson) “Next week on x-factor,Chedder,Edam and Wensleydaleeeeee.”

Unfortunately unless he has has a cult following he has bottom two written all over his prematurely ageing head.


MK1 sang a Crystal Waters / Tinie Tempah mashup (Video)


Another mash up,there seems to be lots of them this year,It only used to be the joke acts like Wagner that were given mash ups.

Mk1 did what they do,some singing some rapping,enough to get them through another week.

Tough Week

Jahmene Douglas sings Aretha Franklin’s Say a Little Prayer (video)

tough week

Not being a reader of the red tops I wasn’t aware that Jahmene was the topic of some unwelcome press,luckily we had the VT to tell all those that had missed it that Jahmene has had a really tough week,a really tough life,fortunately for us the tough little fella was able to get through it all to be here on that stage tonight,because that’s where he belongs,that’s where he was always meant to be,it was destiny,well so Tulisa said anyway.

Safe this week.

Another Tough Week

Jade Ellis sang Ultra Nate’s Free (Video)

jade ellis

Jade has a problem with her throat in her VT this week,we see her at the doctors,it looks like bad news,she won’t be able to sing for a few days,she has to rest her voice,but Oh No,she has to perform this weekend,will she be able to rehearse? will she recover in time?

Of course she will,she was there on stage belting out the song as usual.

The comments were mixed,the performance wasn’t great,so despite the hard luck VT she could be in trouble this week.

Another Another Tough Week

James Arthur sang LMFAO’s I’m Sexy and I Know It (Video)

james arthur sexy and he knows it

It seems everyone is having a tough week this week,James nearly died,it can’t get any worse than that,Jahmene can stick his hard life sob story up his ****,crying in his bedroom listening to Whitney Houston songs,JAMES NEARLY DIED!

Well actually he didn’t,he had a bit of an anxiety attack,but he wasn’t to know was he,he thought he was dying,they got an ambulance out and everything.

After his near death experience James tells us he wants to have fun this week,so it is decided he will sing the fun song sexy and I know it,he shows us how much fun he is having by standing still with his guitar the whole song and not smiling once,FUN GUY!

After the performance Gary nicks one of Cowells lines from the X-factor book of cliches when he says “That was not just the best performance of the night,it was the best performance of the whole series”!

It wasn’t by the way.

Harry Haircut And The Three Quiffs

Union J sang Kelly Rowland’s When Love Takes Over (Video)

Girls scream

The VT seemed to consist of screaming girls,focus lads,it’s all about the music,put ya peckers away.

I have very little memory of their performance or the comments afterwards and I don’t want to sit through it all again on youtube so I will just call them as safe this week based on the girls girls girls VT and the girly vote.

Mash Makes Smash

Rylan Clark sang a Jennifer Lopez / Rihanna mash up (Video)


Rylan has shaved off the evil villain beard and arrived on stage dressed and looking a little like Sacha Baron Cohens Bruno,he did his usual mash up of songs.

The judges made their usual comments,they all said how entertaining he was while Gary bucked the trend as usual and took the Cowell stance towards the joke acts stating that he shouldn’t be on the show and better singers than he are being sent home because of him,wait till week 6,Gary will change his tune.

Rylan didn’t look happy this week,we learned why when it was revealed that Brian Friedman won’t be here from now on as he is going over to choreograph x-factor USA,Rylan said his goodbyes on stage as the cameras cut to Brian dressed as Dracula,like you do.

Naughty Naughty

Lucy Spraggan sang David Guetta’s Titanium (Video)

lucy spraggen

Naughty girl is Lucy,she goes out,*gasp,she drinks,*gasp,she is very very naughty,but it’s ok x-factor granny voters,she is just a normal girl and she still gets up on time for work the next day,*phew!

based on her performance and comments Lucy will still be naughtying up our screens next week.

Kye Fawkes

Kye Sones sang Swedish House Mafia’s Save the World (Video)

kyeser soze

Gary gives Kye some home truths in this weeks VT,playing back last weeks performance he points out all the dud notes he sang,the dud notes Gary seemed to have missed the previous week when he praised his performance.

It is not looking good for Kye,he tells us he needs to sing for his life,we then see him on stage at a piano on top of what looks like a bonfire,for a moment the show looks like it could get interesting,but alas it doesn’t,Kye drones out a dreary ballad on club classics week,which the judges rave about,I still think he will be bottom two this week.

Show Us Your Abs You Boybanders You

District3 sang (I don’t know,their video hasn’t been uploaded to the X-factor youtube channel)

yes i know it is the picture i used last week

No video on youtube for the District3 boys,is it a conspiracy or just an oversight by the x-factor minnions?

I think the latter unfortunately,their VT,performance and comments from the judges were all positive so they should be safe from the hell that is the bottom two this week.

Dancing Queen

Ella Henderson sang Candy Staton’s You’ve Got the Love (Video)

ella dancing

It is club classic week and it means that we get to see Ella dance,Brian is excited,Ella is excited,being 16,she wants to show us her youthful effervescence by dancing and singing onstage.

Well that is the build up,the reality is,Ellas dancing consists of moving her arms around a lot while rooted to the spot,maybe it is just me,but I thought dancing meant moving your feet too.

ella dancing

Not that it matters,she will be here next week and still here the final week,when she will be crowned the best Adele look-a-like 2012,or something like that.

Prediction: Bottom two this week will I think be Christopher Maloney & Kye Sones. But I wouldn’t be surprised to see Jade Ellis in the mix.


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